Saturday, March 5, 2011

So I CAN Do This!

I was really worried about last night. We'd planned a surprise party for my trainee's 20th birthday at work. We have some really awesome cooks on my squad and I'm always ready for a nap when we eat together. The night before, as we were planning, my supervisor told everyone she was bringing "yankee style" ham sandwiches with butter & mayo. The other planned fare was a fruit tray, a veggie tray, chips, a really decadent chocolate cake/pie thingy, watergate salad, chips, & ice cream.
We ended up having more than that there, but I asked my supervisor if she minded leaving the butter & mayo off my sandwiches, brought lite salad dressing for my veggies, and stuck to the good stuff. I was so full after dinner I was ready for a nap. When I logged everything into my nutrition tracker, I was still under my allotted calories, carbs, and fat grams for the day. 

Yay. I can do this:).

She was SO surprised. It was really precious. We had a great night. I even got to eat a little of the dessert, because, God bless my supervisor, she used splenda in it instead of sugar. I could have eaten the whole thing. I need that recipe.

I don't weigh again until Monday. I'm a total sucker for instant gratification and I wanna step on the scale now. I won't.
When I was 16 and I got my first job, which was at McDonalds, they gave me my uniforms on the first day. Also working there was one of the football  players from school who was always really nice to everyone. The largest pair of pants they had was a men's 32X32 and they were about a size too small and black polyester with white pocket liners. I got them buttoned, but the pockets stuck out. I had to tuck in my shirt so it was pretty obvious. I remember walking into the office in the back and him looking at me and telling my supervisor he needed to order bigger pants for me. Looking back on it now, he was probably trying to save me from embarrassment, but I was totally mortified. It led to a summer-long bout with anorexia, in which I only allowed myself 2 fat grams a day. I lost 60lbs, but I lived off fat-free bagels, fat-free cheese, fat-free tomato sauce, and grape nuts. By the end of the summer, my vision went  dim every time I stood up and I was seriously anemic. During that summer, I weighed myself 3-4 times a day. If I hadn't lost 2-3lbs a day, I either wouldn't eat or would take laxatives. With all the responsibilities I have, I can't do that to myself again. I need my health. That's why I'm doing this whole thing.

The visalus is so nutritionally sound, I know I'm getting the right nutrients in, I'm just not taking in the calories to go with it. 

I can stick to this. I've given myself a year.

Tonight, measurements. ugh.

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